But The Brakes Failed!

Sorry yesterdays post was sent by a gremlin before it was ready to go. Here it is again, corrected for what it's worth.

It’s always someone or something else to blame. I read a post where the author created a song and dance about how the government is to blame for the deaths on our roads. They are, but not entirely. He states that the vehicles, specifically 14 seater matatus, plying our roads are actually designed as goods and parcels carriers, not people. and that they have no crash protection. All PSVs should only be the larger people carriers and then there would be less accidents is the apparent solution!!

Of course this is all arse about face because he did not factor in the drunk or hopped up drivers. Or the complete ignorance and defiance of everything written in the highway code. Literally everything. Or the myopic approach of traffic police to bad behaviour on every road in the country. Or the complete lack of accountability in licensing drivers. Has anyone actually sat a proper driving test in this country in the last 20 years? In Europe it can cost up to 4000 Euros and 1 year to pass your driving test. No, not for bribes, driving school costs and multiple test fails. Then they come here with red number plates and drive like us idiots, but that is besides the point. Focus Derek.
Of course you pay for your driving lessons, “15K is the best price, my bratha”,  and the next thing you know you have a Kenya driving license… The business model of a 15K driving course is unworkable. Your practical driving with an L plate would probably be a total of 1 hour at that rate. I know from someone I know that driving tests last about fifteen minutes. But again, that’s besides the point. Stick to the plan, Derek.

Where were we, oh yes “it’s the car’s fault”. The perception that if you travel in a big bus you are much safer, is of course disproved by the number of fatal bus accidents we see or read about every few weeks.  We simply tut tut these days when hearing about huge accidents and blame someone, anyone for being useless.

Kenyans believe they are really very good drivers. “Ala! I have my Driving license and I have been driving for 3 months. I know everything, nobody can tell me anything”.  Owning a driving license is the next best thing to a university degree, which quizzically one must earn.
Then we hear how, “The car lost control, I kanyanga’d the brakes and I turned this way, then that way, and then I don’t know suddenly it went round that way, on the roof, then it went into the ditch and the airbags saved me! ” regaled over the 5th bottle of beer at the local Wet Fry and Boiro. Of course it all happened so fast he imagined all the turns and rally driver tactics.
“Daktari, is telling me I must do physio for at least one year. Imagine! Lakini I tried!”  So proud, and laughing in fear, that he did not actually die, never knowing he was just a passenger all along.
But it was still the car’s fault. It lost control.

Police on the scene of accidents admonish us all, ” You must stop overspeeding, as it is the speed that kills.”  Of course, the Traffic Commander  is right, but that is only a small part of the whole horrific story and he now has TV time so needs the sound bite. What the hell is over speeding? But to give them some credit, the cops do have a hard time controlling bad behaviour, it is easier to extort money from good drivers so lets do that instead.

 A colleague, now in hospital with broken bones, recalls how, on the expressway recently they, “were just driving, on the road, and then, we saw the other car, and my husband braked, but the brakes failed and then car hit the other car at the back.” 
The. Brakes. Just. Failed.
The belief that when you brake no matter at what speed, the car must know why and stop immediately, is the 11th Commandment – Thou Brakes Must Not Fail.  Is it because the car has a computer and more processing power?! That’s being mean, but I can’t help it. Maybe the car in front just stopped (on an expressway), or you were driving too fast, or could it be you have no idea of braking distances or, that hubby never really sat a driving test did he? Or that he did actually need to get off the fucking phone and focus. None of the ‘ors’ are factored into any equations when computing why ‘we’ crashed.  It is the car’s fault. Fiat! – So be it!
It’s like the Keep Left Unless Overtaking signs, they do not apply to me because I am protected by Cheesass.
We hear these stories in different contexts all the time, particulary in regard to larger PSV and lorry accidents.
“Brake’s imefail baba, nifanyaje”. Is it a question or a statement of fact?

Hai, ya yai, ya yai, Give me a break!

Last Updated on April 9, 2025